A Proper Young Lady
by goldengrove
Summary: The true thoughts of Pansy Parkinson about life, the universe, and Lavender Brown.


She looked like she had been crying. Admittedly, she had been crying, but as she wiped the tributaries of tears from under he eyes she firmly reminded herself that she was a lady. Ladies were placid and devoid of emotion. They married whom they were told to marry and never let a thing penetrate their icy exterior.  
  
In other words, Pansy Parkinson was no lady.  
  
Cursing the Minister of Magic for its no-magic-during-the-holidays rule, Pansy sifted through the clutter on her vanity until she found the small bottle of saline solution. Wincing, she held each eye open, dropping more liquid around her eyes than she actually got into them. Her head tilted back, she remained standing at the vanity for several minutes, her eyes closed.  
  
"Pansy?" the voice was accompanied by a knock at the door.  
  
Pansy took in her reflecting and nodded crisply before striding to the door. "Mum," she opened the door to see the flamboyantly painted face. "Come in," she stepped back to allow her mother into the cold room.  
  
"Will you be coming with us to the Malfoy's?" Mrs. Parkinson looked at her daughter harshly; her strong features twisted unattractively. "It would be a fine time for you and Draco."  
  
Pansy bit the inside of her lip. The last thing she wanted to do was simper over the blonde boy so her parents could look on coyly, searching for Lucius' approval.  
  
"Er, not today, thank you Mum. I. don't feel well."  
  
"You don't look well," said her mother crisply. "Pansy, you really should look into make up. It can do wonders." She patted her overlarge hair and smiled, her teeth glinting shyly from between the two slashes of magenta on her wrinkling face.  
  
"I'll make a note of it," Pansy sighed, "I just want to take a shower and go to bed."  
  
Mrs. Parkinson rolled her eyes, "that's all you ever do, Pansy. One can only be so clean and rested." The older woman sprang up from where she had been sitting on the bed and paced to the window, leaning heavily on the sill. "A girl only has so many years, Pansy. All she has is her looks and her breeding, all you have, Pansy, is your breeding." Pansy winced as her mother whirled around, suddenly furious. "Pansy, you didn't have the decency to be born a boy, the least you can do for your parents is marry yourself to someone who is decent!" She paused, attempting to gather the shattered shards of her previous calm. "Draco Malfoy is a pure blood wizard. His father is influential and very rich. He appears to fancy you for some," she took in her daughter's twisted robes and sallow face, "godforsaken reason. Therefore you should simply be grateful and reciprocate."  
  
"Reciprocate?"  
  
Mrs. Parkinson made her way towards the door. "Whatever it takes to make Draco Malfoy happy. If he's happy, Lucius is happy. Don't disappoint us, Pansy, you do that enough with your grades." The door closed with a snap as Pansy dipped her head into her hands.  
  
"Thanks, Mum," she muttered, peeling her robes off to stand nude in the centre of her room. As she caught a part of her reflection in the mirror she hastily grabbed her new bottle of Dermabraise body wash and hustled into the bathroom.  
  
She hadn't lied about the shower. Her hair was getting to the breaking point from all its multiple shampoos but it was the only place she could really be alone with her thoughts.  
  
Just after she turned on the gilded taps the suppressed sobs escaped her lips. She braced herself against the slick stone wall of the shower and let herself cry, feeling the warm water wash away the sin of her weakness. After the tears stilled themselves, she hastily wiped her nose with the back of her hand and set to her skin with the Dermabraise. Within minutes her skin was raw and red but she had effectively scrubbed off the skin that had allowed the weak Pansy to show.  
  
Pansy left the shower in decidedly uplifted spirits. If possible, she felt she could face Draco Malfoy and even pretend that she loved him in any way that wasn't non-sexual.  
  
While she was toweling herself off, she caught another glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. Without thinking, she reached out part of the towel to wipe the condensation off. For the first time, Pansy actually took a look at her body.  
  
Her mother was right, she decided. Her face was plain with a nose that was more upturned than could be attractive, her skin was far too pale, and either her neck was unusually slender or her head was unnaturally large and square. Sighing, she examined her body, apparently when she bought into the package deal on the planet she had requested an extra order of hips with just the tiniest bit of breast on the side. Snapping out of her reverie she panicked. Young ladies did not examine their bodies like that. They didn't even have bodies until their wedding night.  
  
Pansy rushed back into the shower. Another bout with the Dermabraise was too painful to even think about so she twisted the cold water tap to full. She panted as the icy droplets slid down her skin leaving gooseflesh in their wake. Shivering violently Pansy wrapped herself in the towel again and ventured into her room in search of clean and comfortable robes.  
  
Lavender Brown was sitting on her bed.  
  
Stifling a scream, Pansy clutched at the top of her towel and gaped at Lavender. "Your parents flooed me," said Lavender. "Apparently Miss Gryffindor is good enough for them when it comes to their daughter's hygiene habits."  
  
"They flooed you?"  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
Pansy sighed again and rummaged in her wardrobe for a robe. "You don't have to stay, Lavender, I'm fine." She pulled the robe over her towel and whisked the towel out from underneath, now turn her attention to proper underwear.  
  
"Is it Draco?"  
  
Pansy turned to face the blonde, "pardon?"  
  
"Draco," said Lavender patiently, "Draco Malfoy. Is he in love with. someone else?"  
  
A derisive laugh escaped Pansy's lips as she pulled a pair of electric blue knickers up her legs. "I wish, Lavender."  
  
Lavender's eyes widened slightly and she leaned back on the bed to observe Pansy. "Then what's your problem?"  
  
"Draco Malfoy."  
  
"But." Lavender raised an eyebrow and pointed to the bedspread next to her. "Explain, Pansy."  
  
Pansy abandoned her search for a bra and joined Lavender. "My parents want me to marry Draco Malfoy."  
  
"This is bad, why?"  
  
Pansy groaned and rubbed her temples. "I don't love him. I don't even particularly like him in a sexual sense. I mean, he's attractive and all. but he doesn't." she searched for the proper metaphor, "bash my bludger."  
  
"Why not another boy?" Lavender queried. "I mean, there's plenty of pureblooded wizards in the school. Most of them are in Slytherin."  
  
"But they're not Malfoy," said Pansy tiredly. "My parents want a Malfoy to make up for having a daughter. The Parkinson name dies with me."  
  
"That's depressing."  
  
Pansy lay back and glared at the dark ceiling. "They can't seem to get it through their batty minds either, I lust for Draco about as much as I lust for Millicent Bulstrode."  
  
"It could be worse," Lavender soothed, "you could be a Gryffindor."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
Lavender did an eerily accurate impression of her mother. "You're a shame to the family name, Lavender, getting yourself into that muggle loving hell hole. You didn't even have the sense to go to the Yule Ball with Harry Potter. You could be a great asset to the cause if you weren't such a half- arsed twit."  
  
"Fuck the cause," muttered Pansy.  
  
"Hear, hear." Lavender flicked an imaginary champagne glass.  
  
There was silence for a minute, Pansy still looking at the ceiling, Lavender fiddling with the cuffs of her robes. "Lavender?" asked Pansy finally.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Lavender looked surprised, "for what?"  
  
Pansy propped herself up on her elbows to stare at Lavender. "For being such a bitch to you for being a Gryffindor. You can't help where that bloody hat puts you." She sat up straighter, leaning in to Lavender, "I wanted to be a Hufflepuff."  
  
"What?"  
  
Pansy licked her lips and grinned lazily, "it would have killed them to see me, a hard working, loyal, maligned Hufflepuff. I guess that's why the hat stuck me in Slytherin. It was a pure Slytherin plot."  
  
"You're so different from me," Lavender shook her head and smiled. "I nearly cried when it said I was in Gryffindor."  
  
"You should have seen the look on Malfoy's face."  
  
Lavender giggled, "I'm sure it was classic, the git." She gazed at Pansy, her face open and cheerful. Then, without warning, she leaned in and kissed Pansy.  
  
But more importantly, Pansy kissed back.  
  
Her hand had reached up to alight softly on Lavender's cheek before she realized the severity of the situation. Pulling back she dropped her hand to her lap and exclaimed, "oh fuck!"  
  
Lavender looked petrified, frozen into place. "Did we just kiss?" she whispered.  
  
Pansy nodded, feeling her eyes grow bigger by the second.  
  
"Our families aren't going to like that."  
  
Pansy shook her head, nervously twiddling her thumbs in her lap.  
  
Lavender touched her lips still looking shocked. "You're a good kisser." She jumped, "did I just say that?"  
  
Pansy nervously crossed her arms. "We. we should probably."  
  
"Right," Lavender jumped off the bed and wrapped her robes around her body, "I'll be going then," Pansy absently followed her to the door. "Bye," Lavender waved and turned around quickly, planting a kiss on Pansy's lips. "What the hell?" Lavender jumped backwards, "I. don't tell anyone!" And with that she sprinted out of the room heading for the floo fireplace in the foyer.  
  
Pansy nervously shut the door and ran her finger across her lips. Well, that was interesting. Decidedly interesting in her opinion. If the thought of her parents' disappointment hadn't crossed her mind, Pansy smiled slightly as she thought of what she'd be doing with Lavender. Just as abruptly she slammed that train of thought into the ground. She was a proper young lady.  
  
She was a proper young lady.  
  
A proper young lady.  
  
A proper, very proper, young lady.  
  
Well, at least it did suss out the reason she didn't want to shag Draco Malfoy. 


End file.
